He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
