Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
