Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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