we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
