i can't believe i had my finger in that
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
