when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
