dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
