I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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