Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
