sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
