My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
