i permit you to call me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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