Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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