I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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