I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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