I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
