when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
