i already hear my dad disowning me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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