I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
