How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
