i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
