walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
