I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
