your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
