it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
