I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
