3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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