so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
