I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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