After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize