theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
