you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
