I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You are a genius and a whore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
