God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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