the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
