First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize