how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
