How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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