there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
