I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
