Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Enjoy the penises
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
