We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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