Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
