If that was your dad, he is hot
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
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FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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