Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
