I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
