plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
