Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
