dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
