Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
