We won't sleep together?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Randomize
