my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
