True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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