I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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