Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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