remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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