Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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