i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
