So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
