Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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