About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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