Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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