Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
