omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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