He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
