I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
