My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
